The Impact of Involuntary Reactivity: The Negative Effects in Relationships
Welcome to the new blog series "Responsive Relationships" written by Dr. Don Welch, Ph.D., M.S., LMFT in California and Kansas
If there is anything we have learned from enduring life during covid, we are meant to be in relationships with each other rather than hibernate within our protective homes. Relationships are at the heart and soul of who we are as God's creation. Our relationship with our Creator, our family, friends, co-workers, neighbors instinctively keep us fulfilled as humans. But what happens in these relationships when there is disharmony, division and strife tearing at our fabric and our sense of well-being?
Involuntary reactivity, our negative non-verbal communication, can creep into all of our relationships especially with our family:
“The enemy I am speaking of, which you will learn about in this book, is involuntary reactivity. I use this term to encompass the behaviors and verbal replies that originate from the “feeling” part of the brain before we are consciously aware of them. We roll our eyes, sigh in exasperation, fold our arms, turn away, narrow our eyes, and tighten our lips. We reply with “you always,” “you never",” or “whatever” type statements and exhibit hundreds of other reactions. These actions are not consciously chosen. Instead, they emanate from the central part of our brain devoted to self-protection. In my thirty-plus years of counseling, I have come to believe that reactivity is enemy number one for a marriage. This is because each occurrence tends to mortar one more brick on the wall that separates a couple.” — from The Responsive Marriage by Dr. Donald W. Welch
Stay tuned next week to my next blog on "Responsive Relationships" where I will target overcoming involuntary reactivity.
Meet the Author
Dr. Donald W. Welch, PhD, MS, LMFT 50129
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